Behaving Badly Page 24

  ‘Tonight’s self-defence class was the best yet!’ Daisy gushed. ‘I had to throw Marcus—and I managed it. He was so impressed,’ she added with a laugh. ‘We also learned how to do a shin kick and a really lethal heel stamp. That’s another thing you can do, if someone grabs you from behind, you just stamp on their foot, really hard.’

  ‘Sounds like a laugh a minute.’

  ‘Oh it was.’ I told Daisy about the strange conversation I’d just had with my parents. ‘But you must be pleased,’ she said.

  ‘I suppose I am—but I’m also confused. Why on earth would my mother want to go and see my Dad’s golf club?’

  ‘I don’t know. Do you think she…’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Well, fancied him again?’

  ‘Unlikely.’

  ‘But she must have been in love with him once. And she’s single again now, and she hadn’t seen him for years, and your dad’s a good-looking man. So maybe a little flicker of something was rekindled…’

  ‘I don’t believe it. Why would she suddenly feel like that, having done nothing but bitch about him for the past two decades? I really don’t get it, Daisy.’

  ‘Well, I wouldn’t complain. You’ve effected a degree of parental harmony you never thought possible.’

  ‘That does seem to be the case. Anyway, how’s everything else going?’ I asked. ‘Are you ready for Nigel’s party?’

  ‘I suppose so. I’m just going through the RSVP’s. Are you bringing David?’

  My heart did a bungee jump. ‘Yes. I am.’

  ‘Good. I’ll put him down on the list. There’ll be about fifty of us. Alan and Jon want everyone to be there by seven thirty, latest, so Nigel doesn’t spot us all going in.’

  ‘Which bit of the zoo do we make for?’

  ‘They haven’t told me that. They just said to tell everyone to follow the signs. Then Nigel and I will turn up in a taxi just after eight, by which time the signs will have gone. We’ll be shown where to go by the security guy, who’s pretending to be a keeper.’

  ‘So it’s an elaborate subterfuge.’

  ‘It is.’

  ‘And what does Nigel think he’s doing on Saturday.’

  ‘He thinks we’re going to a firework concert at Kenwood, followed by dinner in Hampstead. He’s in for a bit of a shock.’

  On Saturday evening, David came to the Mews at a quarter to seven, to pick me up. He kissed me, and the interest between us crackled like static.

  ‘Hi. Can I kiss you again?’ he asked. I nodded. I felt his arms go round my waist and his lips press against mine. ‘What a nice way to start the evening,’ he murmured as he rocked me from side to side. I could smell the cologne on his neck. ‘So we’re going to the zoo, are we?’

  ‘We are. But I’ve just got to wrap Nigel’s present, could you…put your finger…there.’ I bit off a piece of Sellotape. ‘And here…that’s it.’ Then I got out the card. ‘Do you want to sign it too?’

  ‘I’ve never met the guy, but why not?’ He scribbled his signature, next to mine. Miranda and David. Seeing our names linked like that, made me feel suddenly, unaccountably happy, as though I had just been given good news.

  ‘This is nice,’ David said as we strolled down the road, hand in hand. As we crossed over the canal and entered Regent’s Park, I saw a poster for the Open Air Theatre. I thought of Alexander, and realized for the first time that, despite my anger, I felt strangely grateful for what he’d done. For if he hadn’t abandoned me that night, I wouldn’t be here, now, with David—and I’d wanted to find David for half of my life.

  ‘What are you thinking?’

  ‘Oh, just how glad I am that I’ve met you.’

  He squeezed my hand. ‘I’m very glad too. It was Fate, I guess.’ No, it wasn’t, it wasn’t. ‘I feel we were meant to meet.’ We were. ‘Anyway, tell me who’ll be there tonight?’ I gave him the background about Nigel and Daisy.

  ‘Five and a half years? That’s quite a while.’

  ‘It is. Daisy’s dying to get married. She’s fed up with waiting.’

  ‘But does she love him?’

  ‘I think she does.’

  ‘You only think so?’

  ‘Well, she’s been with him a long time, and she’s very used to him.’

  ‘Is that real love?’

  ‘Well, many people get married for less. And I can understand her not wanting to start all over again with someone new, after so long. She’d like to settle down. And Nigel’s a bit stodgy, but he’s basically fine…’

  ‘And do you like him?’

  ‘I do, but—’

  ‘But what?’

  ‘He’s very selfish. He exploits the fact that she’s never forced him to make a commitment because she’s afraid of bringing things to the crunch.’

  We crossed over to the Inner Circle, and saw smartly dressed people drifting in knots towards the zoo’s side entrance, Albert Gate.

  ‘Just follow the signs round to your right,’ a member of staff instructed us as he ticked off our names. And sure enough there were large notices, with balloons tied to them, saying Nigel’s 40th—This Way. We passed a cage with several huge, blue, hyacinth macaws, then the gibbon enclosure, and the Diana monkeys. Near the main entrance, now locked for the evening, we saw the last sign. A large arrow, with a yellow balloon tied to it, was pointing towards the Reptile House.

  I let out a snort of surprise. ‘It’s in the Reptile House?!’

  ‘Poor guy,’ said David with a laugh. ‘Is this Daisy’s way of punishing him?’

  ‘No—she had nothing to do with it; it was all arranged by Nigel’s friends, Alan and Jon.’

  ‘I see—so it’s a blokey joke, then.’

  ‘I guess so.’

  The other guests were all grinning at the choice of venue as they went in. I recognized Nigel’s mother, and his brother, and some of the people who’d been at the barbecue, including his sharp-faced colleague, Mary, whom I ignored.

  Alan, the criminal barrister, greeted us. ‘Please make your way right to the back of the room there, and stand behind the central display.’

  We passed the illuminated tanks, peering briefly at the Chinese alligators and the turtles and the puff-adders and rattlesnakes; then we huddled together by the giant monitor lizard, whispering like conspirators.

  ‘—He’s going to be so surprised.’

  ‘—Do you think they feed the snakes live animals?’

  ‘—Don’t you think he’ll be cross?’

  ‘—I’m sure I’m going to get the giggles.’

  ‘—I know I would be.’

  ‘—I saw a black mamba once.’

  ‘Nigel will be here in five minutes,’ Alan said. ‘But instead of jumping out at him, and shouting “Surprise!”, I’d like us all to drift out, casually, in twos and threes, as if it’s all perfectly normal. It’ll confuse the hell out of him.’ Suddenly his mobile phone rang. ‘Are they? Okay. I’ll tell them. They’re coming, everyone, so could you all please keep very quiet.’

  We smiled at each other in the semi-darkness as the tension built. I looked at the giant monitor, swaggering slowly across its pen, its elbows out, its forked tongue flicking lazily. Then we heard steps, then the creak of the door.

  ‘Daisy, I just don’t get it,’ I heard Nigel say. His voice echoed across the stone floor. ‘Why couldn’t we come here tomorrow? We’ll be late for the concert.’

  ‘It’s only a little detour,’ I heard her reply. ‘I just wanted to see the, um…blunt-nosed viper. And look, there’s a poisonous tree frog, Nige. Ooh, and look at this green mamba, it says here it should be “treated with caution”.’

  ‘I’m sure that’s right. But the concert is starting now.’

  ‘Oh, it won’t matter if we’re a bit late.’

  ‘But I don’t want to miss the Beethoven.’

  Now, from our hiding place, I saw Alan step forward with his wife, Jane, then a few seconds later, Nigel’s younger brother, Jack. We heard their f
ootsteps tapping across the floor.

  ‘Have you seen this spitting cobra, Nigel?’ I heard Daisy ask. ‘And there’s a really nice tortoise over here.’

  ‘Alan…?’ I heard Nigel suddenly say. ‘What the—?’ He emitted an odd noise, like a cross between a laugh and a hiccup. ‘And Jane! What the hell are you two doing here?’

  ‘We just came to wish you a Happy Birthday, Nigel,’ Alan replied.

  ‘Jack!’ I heard Nigel exclaim now. ‘What are you—? Christine? Jon?’ And now we were all drifting out from our hiding places in twos and threes. ‘Edward? Mary! Mum?’

  ‘Happy Birthday, darling,’ said Nigel’s mother.

  ‘Miranda? What the—?’ Nigel’s expression was one of total stupefaction.

  ‘Happy Birthday,’ I smiled. ‘This is David.’

  ‘Happy Birthday, Nigel.’

  ‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY!’ we all said.

  Nigel looked at Daisy, then rolled his eyes, then laughed again and shook his head. ‘So that’s why we’re not going to Kenwood,’ he grinned. Daisy nodded. ‘Well—what can I say? Good Lord!’

  ‘Well, it’s not every day that you turn forty, Nigel,’ said Alan. ‘So the general view was that you ought to celebrate it.’

  ‘It’s like This Is Your Life!’

  And now aproned waiters came through the doors, bearing trays of champagne and plates of canapés, and the party began. Nigel’s face was still a mask of shocked amusement as he greeted his guests. ‘I can’t believe it,’ he said, over and over. ‘I just can’t believe it.’ Soon the building was echoing with conversation and laughter.

  ‘—Have you seen that anaconda—it must be twenty foot long.’

  ‘—And the rest!’

  ‘—Weren’t you at school with Nige?’

  ‘—There’s a snake over there which produces enough venom to kill fifty thousand mice.’

  ‘—That’s right.’

  ‘—Wow! How many humans is that?’

  Then we all went outside and stood in the low, slanting sunshine, by the scarlet ibis enclosure, listening to the distant whoops of the gibbons and the hoots and shrieks of the chimpanzees. Alan was explaining the choice of venue to Nigel.

  ‘We actually wanted the Lion Terrace, but it was already booked for another party. Plus, it wouldn’t have been possible to hide everyone there, so that’s why we went for the Reptile House.’

  ‘I’m glad that’s the reason,’ Nigel laughed, with a large sip of champagne. ‘I was worried! And how long have you been planning this?’

  ‘Just under three weeks. Daisy drew up the list.’ Daisy smiled.

  ‘Well, it’s…amazing,’ said Nigel, surveying the throng. ‘It’s just…amazing,’ he repeated wonderingly. He ran his hand through his thinning hair. ‘What a tremendous surprise.’ He finished his champagne, and then took a fresh glass. Indeed, the drink was really flowing, I noticed, as I introduced Daisy to David.

  ‘It’s so nice to meet you,’ she said. ‘I’ve heard such a lot about you.’ Much more than you’d like. ‘All nice things, of course!’

  David smiled. ‘It’s good to meet you too, Daisy. I’ve brought my tiny camera with me,’ he said. ‘Would you like me to go round and take a few shots?’

  ‘You don’t have to do that,’ she said. ‘You’re off duty.’

  ‘I don’t mind at all.’

  ‘Well, that would be wonderful,’ she said. ‘But let me take one of you and Miranda first.’ David handed her the camera, then slid his arm around my waist. I leaned into him. ‘You look perfect together,’ Daisy called out. ‘And another one.’ David gave my cheek an extravagant kiss.

  ‘That’s lovely!’ Daisy giggled. Then she handed the camera back. ‘He’s very attractive,’ she whispered, as David wandered into the crowd. ‘Plus he’s obviously nuts about you.’

  ‘Do you really think so?’

  ‘God, yes. You can see it. The way he looks at you. So hang on to him, Miranda.’

  ‘I will—if I can.’ God knows, I want to.

  As I followed David, I passed Mary.

  ‘Oh yes, the eternal bachelor,’ I heard her say wearily. ‘But very sweet. Oh, no, I was never interested in him.’ I smiled to myself. ‘Goodness me—no. Not my type.’

  I watched David snapping away. He was so inconspicuous that no one realized that he was even doing it. He moved amongst the throng, casually framing and firing, then moving on without being noticed. His shots were slanting, oblique. The detachment probably suited him, psychologically, I realized. It was as though he needed to filter people through his viewfinder first.

  ‘I just wanted to get them done while the light holds,’ he said, as I caught up with him.

  ‘Shall I get you another glass of champagne?’

  ‘Yes please.’

  As I made my way over to the nearest waiter, I heard Nigel’s fellow bonsai-fanciers admiring the eucalyptus tree.

  ‘—It would look great if it was ten inches tall, wouldn’t it?’

  ‘—Mm. But eucalypts are very tricky.’

  ‘—But they’re so rewarding.’

  ‘—You have to keep them cold to discourage new growth.’

  As I took a glass of champagne for David, I noticed Nigel downing his in two gulps. He doesn’t usually drink much, so I guessed it was the emotion of the occasion. At the same time, I thought Daisy look strained.

  ‘It’s a great party,’ I whispered. ‘Are you enjoying it?’

  ‘Oh…yes. It’s quite a success.’ In the distance we could hear the gentle strains of a string quartet. ‘That must be the other party,’ she said. ‘We could have had music, but we decided against it.’

  ‘And what are you doing tomorrow?’

  ‘Erm… I’m going microlighting.’

  ‘Again?’

  ‘Yes. You see, I loved it last week. I just…loved it.’

  ‘But don’t you want to do something with Nigel?’

  She shrugged. ‘Well, I would have done. But he’s got to work. You know how it is with Nige.’ I glanced at him. ‘He never stops. Especially at the moment.’

  ‘At least he’s having a good time tonight.’

  ‘That’s true—but he’s drinking too much.’

  I looked at him. He did look slightly red in the face. ‘Well…if he can’t get a bit pissed on his fortieth, when can he, Daisy…?’

  ‘I’m going to keep quiet about the M question by the way,’ she murmured.

  ‘Are you?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Why?’

  She shrugged. ‘I…don’t know. I’ve just decided—que sera, sera.’

  Suddenly, David reappeared. ‘I think I’ve got everyone, Daisy. I’ll e-mail them to Miranda and she can send them on to you. Are we allowed to wander round the zoo, by the way?’

  ‘I don’t think we can go very far. Alan said they want us to stay in this area because they don’t want us unsettling the animals. Oh, I’ve just got to have a word with the waiter—will you excuse me?’

  So David and I went for a short walk. And we were just looking at the sloth bears on Bear Mountain when we heard rapid footsteps behind us.

  ‘Where’s the bloody exit?’ demanded a familiar voice. I turned and there was Lily, looking elegant but indignant. ‘How the hell do you get out of here?’

  ‘Lily?’

  ‘Miranda!’

  ‘Hi. You’re not at this party, are you?’

  ‘No. I’ve just been to the one at the Lion Terrace—Nancy de Nobriga’s bash—and I got lost trying to find my way out.’

  ‘Were the lions fun?’

  ‘No—they were asleep—lazy buggers—but we did spot the missing lynx.’ Now she suddenly noticed David and did a double take. ‘D.J. White? Good God!’

  ‘Hello, Lily.’

  ‘What are you doing here?’

  ‘Well, I’m here with…’ He nodded at me, and Lily’s elegantly plucked eyebrows rose half an inch up her high, domed forehead.

  ‘I see,’ she
said with an insinuating smirk. ‘So you’re… “walking out together”, are you?’

  ‘You could say that,’ David smiled.

  ‘Well you’re a sly one, Miranda,’ Lily snorted. ‘I had no idea. So did you know each other before…?’

  ‘No,’ I replied. ‘We didn’t.’

  ‘We met through you, actually,’ David said.

  ‘You did?’

  ‘Yes.’ My pulse started to race. ‘Because if you hadn’t commissioned me to take Miranda’s photograph, I would never have met her.’

  ‘Of course. I remember that now,’ said Lily.

  I felt goose-bumps suddenly stipple my arms.

  ‘I don’t know why you thought of me to do that particular job,’ David went on. ‘But I’m very glad you did.’

  ‘Oh, but it wasn’t my idea!’ Lily exclaimed.

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘It was Miranda’s.’

  I felt as though I’d fallen down a mineshaft.

  ‘Miranda’s?’ David repeated. He looked at me, dumbfounded.

  ‘Yes,’ said Lily. ‘She suggested you—didn’t you, Miranda?—and I must say it was a brilliant idea. Anyway, I can’t stand here gossiping. I’ve got two other parties to get to, and my driver’s waiting, so could you please tell me how to get out?’ David pointed her in the right direction, then she blew us a kiss and was gone.

  ‘You asked Lily to commission me?’ David said. His brow was corrugated in puzzlement.

  ‘Yes,’ I said quietly. ‘That’s right.’

  ‘But why? You didn’t know anything about me, Miranda.’ Oh yes I did. ‘I don’t understand.’

  ‘Because… I saw that photo you did…the one on the front of the Guardian G2.’ The lines on David’s forehead began to clear. ‘And… I thought it was…so good. And I was with Lily at the time and she was wondering who to get to take the pictures—and so,’ I shrugged, ‘I suggested you.’

  David was shaking his head in bewilderment. Then he smiled. ‘So you actually wanted to meet me?’

  Oh yes. ‘Yes. I did.’

  ‘Because you liked my work?’

  ‘That’s…right.’

  ‘So you engineered it all?’ I nodded. He smiled, and then laughed. ‘Well, you are a dark horse. But why didn’t you tell me before?’